Nour Tessie Jørgensen

In the name of God, 

may His light shine on your path of finding truth and good. 

When we intend to do something of good nature, something that will connect the soul to its true purpose of nearness to the Divine, the lowly parts of the Self and its influence by the whispers of evil fight to keep one away from what is good. 
What you experience may be a result of that. That when we want to do good, we are influenced to keep away from what draws us towards His door. 

Sometimes we are kept away from going somewhere or doing something which in its essence is good but done at the wrong time and during wrong conditions may push you away even further. 
We are tested individually and customized to specific times of our lives. One must always check with oneself and find the reason to why one wants to do something. We may experience that we desire to pray, to study, to read, to give (and so on) and then we are redirected from those actions. Later in life we may come to the conclusion that if we had done that at the specific time, we would have done it with riya' (the intention of showing off or gaining worldly positions). 

Imam Ali (peace be upon him) said 

Perfecting an action is more difficult than performing the action itself, and purifying an intention from corruption is tougher for the striving ones than engaging in lengthy jihad. (Bihar al-Anwar, volume 77 page 288 no 1)

You must reflect and contemplate and you will find what is behind this redirection. When you know, and you will know by looking deep within. Look past where it hurts, where the reality of what we hide from ourselves lies. There you will find your reason and then you can change it. 

If it is caused by the whispers of evil - find the strength to fight it and view yourself as victorious. 

If it is caused by the harm of riya' - praise God that He kept you away from it, then fight it and humble yourself by going somewhere no one knows you. 

If it is caused by poor planning - find the motivation to plan your day and keep to your schedule. 

If it is caused by something else - find what is within the depths of your strength that God the All-Mighty has blessed you with. 

That you seek answers, that you search and ask for help is a beautiful trait and a blessing from God. I am sure you will find the reason and the remedy even more efficient than the ones you ask, and ask God to assist you He will open doors of self-recognition for you. 

If you turn away towards the right or left side - regardless of whether your back is towards Qibla or not - due to forgetting, you should start a new prayer as soon as you remembers, if there is time left even for one unit (rakat). If there isn't time enough to pray a new prayer, or at least one rakat, then you should continue with the same prayer towards Qibla, and the prayer will not be qaẓa. Similar rule applies to the one who has deviated because of the external force.

If there is an excuse, like, forgetting or an external force, like a strong wind blowing, which turns him away from Qibla, the prayer will be valid if one has not deviated towards the right or the left. It is necessary that one returns to the direction of Qibla as soon as the excuse disappears.
 

Source: https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2233/

According to the Shi’i communities in Denmark, there is around 80.000 Shi’ites living in Denmark. A rapport published by Lene Kühle and Malik Larsen in 2017 concluded that the number of Shi’i mosques or centres consists of 12 % of the total number of mosque communities in Denmark. Since 2006 the number of mosque communities has increased by 54 %. The majority of the communities has an Iraqi cultural background, and the main language used in the communities is Arabic. There are few Afghan communities, Pakistani communities and one Iranian. The largest mosque is the Imam Ali mosque, which consist of three different minor communities: a Danish, an Iranian and an Arabic. The mosque was established in 2015, but there have been cultural centres and religious communities in Denmark since the 1960s. In the last 15 years the Danish speaking Shi’i communities have progressed, and today Danish speaking Shi’ites can attend Danish programs on a weekly basis. The rapport shows that 46 % of the leaders or the preachers of the communities have a hawza education, and a high number of those are young Danish speaking hawza-students, both male and female. Madina tul ilm, which is a Copenhagen based organisation cooperate with the al-Mustafa International University, Qom, providing the Danish Shi’ites an opportunity to study Arabic, Farsi and Islamic sciences in Arabic, Farsi or Urdu. Danish Shi’i women only have access to half of the mosque communities and centres, but in 2007 a group of women established a center for women. According to the rapport female participants are generally more active than the male participants despite the male part of the communities represents the leaders, lecturers and largest amount of physical space in the centres. In total, the rapport concludes that around 2 % of the Danish Shi’ites attend these mosque communities. 

https://ebooks.au.dk/index.php/aul/catalog/view/239/171/750-2  

I am truly sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Our condolences. 

There is a difference between grief and longing. You will always long for her presence, especially on days of importance, days of sorrow and days of hardship, but grief is temporary. You must accept grief as a part of the healing process, and you must accept the position that you are in. 

Loosing your mother might have pushed you into a dark hole, and instead of struggling to get out, you must let go and let yourself fall into the darkness of it. Only when you reach the bottom you will be able to rest. Holding on to the wall of the hole, you use all your strength to reach the top, but what if you aren’t supposed to reach the top yet? If you let go and find a way to accept your position, meaning your position of sorrow, then you can gain strength to climb out of the hole. Accept that it hurts, and accept that every hardship, every sorrow, and every grief are different. We react differently, and we must give ourselves time to heal. It is your loss and you are the only one entitled to control the grieving process. 

Everything in life is part of a perfect system. After the darkness of winter, the spring blossoms. After the darkness of the night, the sun rises. After every hardship there will be ease. Death is a part of that system, and sorrow too. Do not fight the pain, welcome it and let it hurt because nothing hurts forever. One day you will awake and the sun will shine a bit brighter, the ray of sunshine will be a bit warmer, and the beauty of spring will blossom again. Before that, you must rest at the bottom of the hole in what seems like complete darkness. Only after true darkness we appreciate light, but in reality, nothing is ever completely dark. It takes a lot of darkness to cover the light, but it takes a small part of light to change the dark.   

You will get through it, though it might not seem like it right now. Allow yourself to feel the pain and allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Verily when someone dies, Allah sends an angel to the most grieved member of his family, who strokes his heart and makes him forget the agony of grief, and if it were not for this, the world would never again thrive.’[al-Kafi, v. 3, p. 227, no. 1] 

Imām Sajjad (alayhi salam) taught us a number of different supplications. They are all found in The “As-Sahifa al-kamilah al-Sajjadiyya”, and also available at https://www.al-islam.org/sahifa-al-kamilah-sajjadiyya-imam-zain-ul-abide....  

Imām ’Ali (alayhi salam) recited the following dua when he was sick: 

In the name of Allah the Beneficent the Merciful.
O Allah! Whenever You bestow a bounty upon me, my thanks is always less and whenever You have tried me in calamities, my patience was always less.
Then O the one who never made my thanksgiving being low, and O the one who, when sent the calamities my patience was very less inspite of which
He never deprived me of anything and O He who sees me doing sins but never degraded me.
And O He who saw me openly committing sins but never punished me.
Send blessings on Mohammad and his progeny, and grant me cure from this sickness without a speck of doubt You have power over all things.

You may find his supplications at the “As-Safiha Alawiya” .

It is one of your rights, but good communication (and a good marriage) is not build upon the demand of one's rights. One should always introduce one’s feelings, needs and desires in a proper way. This means that we explain our position with patience, tolerance and compassion. Moving to a new country is stressful for all, and there might be a reason for his lack of motivation to find a job. My best advice is therefore to tell him how you feel about living at your sister’s, and how it will improve your situation if he had a job. If he is going through a stressful period (etc.) due to the new environment, you might want to help him find a job, and show compassion about his situation. Marriage is not about demanding one’s rights, and demanding the other part to fulfil their responsibilities. Marriage is a partnership, a sacred bond of help, support, love and compassion. Sometimes we must show patience and support, other times it is us who need the support and compassion. 

It depends on the situation and your feelings towards her and her actions. 

First and foremost we pray that God forgives our sins, and strengthen us to the degree that we are able to forgive. 

It is an unbearable situation, and I can only imagine the pain you are going through. You should give yourself credit for reaching out and seeking help rather than acting in a moment of anger, like the Prophet (S) said, ‘Anger is a smouldering ember [kindled by] Satan.’ [Bihar al-Anwar, v. 73, p. 265, no. 15]. All of our actions and words have consequences, and it is an admirable trait that you are seeking counsel before reacting to the news of your wife’s adultery.   
  
Whether you should forgive her or let go is entirely up to you. I would try to understand the reasons behind her actions as they may be a result of her being unhappy or struggling with something. In longterm relationships we might overlook the signs that the other person is unhappy, and we might get used to the person being there, resulting in us not paying the same attention as we did in the beginning of the relationship. Relationships demand a lot of work, especially communication exercises, compassion, respect and patience.   

If you decide it is worth fighting for, you must be sure that she is determined to work on the relationship as much as you are. This, of course, includes not cheating again, but also acknowledging the mistakes one made. You have to find the reasons behind your current situation, where did it go wrong? It might not be a specific situation or time, but minor incidences adding up to this. Therapy is a good way to deal with past trauma and you might even find communication courses beneficial. You must be able to forgive her, let go and work on the mistrust. If you can’t, it will continue to create unbalance in the relationsship. We must be able to forgive in order for the other part to move on, and leave behind their misdeeds. If we can’t forgive, it is better to take some time apart, dealing with one’s emotions. 

When we are trying to change, to improve ourselves and rise from the darkness of our misdeeds, it is unhealthy for our growing process that we are reminded of the actions we are trying to distance ourselves from. She will not be able to move past that sin if you are reminding her, which is a natural result of being hurt. If you want to work on it, you both have to possess a sincere interest of understanding each other. If one is going into a dialogue with pain, mistrust and accusations, one will not succeed. One must go into a dialogue with a sincere desire of understanding the other part, and respecting their version of the truth, even though it might be different from one’s own version. 

If you on the other hand decide it is not worth fighting for you might find it beneficial to have a period of seperation before divorcing her. The Prophet (S) said, ‘The Prophet (S) said, ‘Shall I tell you who is the toughest and strongest from among you? The one who controls himself when he is angry.’[Nathr al-Durar, v. 1, p. 183] 

Yes, you may accept the reward 

No you can never ignore your child, you must be a role model and an example. If he is disrespectful there might be a reason, nobody grows up to become disrespectful by themselves. You must understand the reasons behind, and see the bigger picture. All of us react differently and even our child may grow up to become totally different than us, but we must continue to love them unconditionally and show them a path of beauty and compassion. 

Imam Zayn al-Abideen as-Sajjad (alayhi salam) taught us that only goodness can erase evil, and it is very beneficial to read his dua makarim al-akhlaq every day, especially when you are going through hardship.

Keep in mind these phares:



“Make me worship You
but do not let my worship be corrupted by conceit.
Let good flow out from my hands for people,
but do not let me erase it by making them feel obliged.
Grant me the highest moral traits,
but protect me from vanity.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and his family,
Raise me not a single degree with people
unless You have lowered me an equal amount,
whithin myself.”

“O Allah, bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.
Replace for me;
the enimity of the people of hatred with love,
the jealousy of the rebellious people with affection,
the suspicion of the virtuous people with confidence
the enmity of the close ones with friendship,
the disrespect of relatives to devotion,
the desertion of the close ones with help,
the attachment of flatterers with reformed regard,
the rejection of associates with good behaviour,
and the bitterness of the fear of oppressors
with the sweetness of security.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and his family,
Give me,
a hand (power) over one wrongs me,
a tongue over one who disputes with me,
and a victory over one who stubbornly resists me.
Grant me,
craftiness against one who deceives me,
power over one who oppresses me,
refutation of one who accuses me falsely,
and safety from one who threatens me.
Give me the success to,
obey one who directs me to what is proper
and follow one who guides me to what is right.”

You must find it in yourself to love him, and let your love erase his errors. You must find it in yourself to be an example of compassion and patience. 

Greed is described by the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) and the imams (peace be upon them) as a disgrace, like mentioned in the narration of Imam al-Baqir (a.s.): 'There is no disgrace worse than that of greed.’[Tuhaf al-’Uqul, no. 286]. Imam al-Hadi (a.s.) described it as ‘an evil characteristic.’[al-Durra al-Bahira, p. 42], and the Prophet (s) furthermore concluded that ‘Greed takes away wisdom from the hearts of the knowledgeable men.’[Kanz al-’Ummal, no. 7576]. 

It is described as a form of poverty because you are never satisfied with what you have: The Prophet (S) said, ‘Beware of greed for it is ready poverty.’[Kanz al-’Ummal, no. 8852], and a form of slavery because you are a slave to your lower self and its desires: Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Greed is an eternal slavery.’[Nahjul Balaghah, Saying 180].  

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘The servant of Allah is free so far as he remains content. The free man is a slave as long as he is greedy.’[Ghurar al-Hikam, no. 413] 

Imam al-Hasan (a.s.), when his father asked him about greed, said, ‘[It is] when you count what is in your hands as a source of honour, while you count what you have given away as a waste.’[Bihar al- Anwar, v. 73, p. 305, no. 23] 

A greedy person is a person who cannot be satisfied and won’t look at all the blessing bestowed upon him. That is why he’s always in a state of poverty because he can’t make use of what he already has, as he is always looking for more, Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Greed is worse than miserliness because a miser is parsimonious in spending what he has, whilst a greedy man covets that which others possess in addition to what he himself possesses, such that whatever he sees in the hands of others he wishes to be his – lawfully or unlawfully. He cannot be satiated, and nor does he derive any benefit from what Allah has granted him.’[Tuhaf al-’Uqul, no. 371, 372]. 

In reality it is a neglecting of your soul, and despite the greedy person thinks he “deserves” more, and that is the reason why he always wants more, he is neglecting his true being. Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘The person most neglectful of his own soul is the one who is full of greed.’[Sharh Nahjul Balaghah li Ibn Abi al-Hadid, v. 18, p. 84] 

So where does greed comes from? Imam Ali (a.s.) wrote in his letter to al-Ashtar when he appointed him governor of Egypt, ‘Verily miserliness, cowardice and greed are all evil impulses brought together by entertaining a low opinion of Allah.’[Nahjul Balaghah, Letter 53], he further explained that ‘Cowardice, greed, and miserliness are vile traits that come together as a result of distrust in Allah.’[Ghurar al-Hikam, no. 1837]. 

Luqman (a.s.) said to his son, exhorting him, ‘If you want to attract Honor in this world, then cut off your greed of drawing advantage from what other people have in their possession; for verily the prophets and the veracious ones achieved what they did by cutting off their greed.’[Qasas al-Anbiya’, p. 195, p. ]. 

Yes, there is no problem in praying there. Everything is pure until proven otherwise, in this case, you have to have seen the impurities of the dog being transferred to you, your clothes you’re praying in or the place you’re praying. 

Dear reader, 
May the peace and mercy of Allāh (’aza wa jal) be upon you.

First and foremost I have to express my deep compassion, I can not imagine the struggle you are going through. Your message moved me deeply, and I pray God’s light will guide you through this dark period. 

Having suicidal thoughts is very natural in a case like yours, and you should give yourself credit for reaching out. Your hope for the mercy of Allāh (’aza wa jal) shows your true nature, and I know that Allāh (’aza wa jal) will find a way for you. I pray that Allāh (’aza wa jal) will forgive you as He knows your position, but know that you are very important on this Earth. Allāh (’aza wa jal) created you with inner beauty, significance, worth, and qualities that are very important to this world. Allāh (’aza wa jal) created you with a purpose and even if you haven’t found it yet, be sure that it is out there, waiting for you to discover it. Your abilities, qualities and purpose would go to waste if you would take your own life. Do not think about the torment of hell, think about the beauty of Allāh (’aza wa jal). Think about the beautiful creation He created, think about the beautiful system that you are an important part of. 

In the Dua Kumayl we pray: “O God have mercy upon him whose only capital is hope”, and we need to have hope despite the horrors of darkness that surround us. The future is so bright, aren’t you curious to find out what the future holds for you? Life is like a beautiful Persian rug, and we are ants trying to find our way from one point to another. To us, the beautiful patterns, the perfection of the threads, seem meaningless and confusing. We meet the same pattern over and over again, and fail to realize that the symmetric patterns of the rug are its foundation of beauty. The patterns are a part of the perfection, but to us, as ants, it seems like we are not moving forward. Allāh (’aza wa jal) looks at this rug we call life and He wants us to succeed. He wants us to understand that its temporary. He wants to give us an insight into the Divine knowledge.

I know that you are patient, and that you have hope. You are an inspirational example of how to handle struggles, especially longing to visit the imams (as). You are a role model, and Allāh (’aza wa jal) gave you a special insight, namely the power to recreate your own self-image. You CAN get married, because you are worth loving, and you have so much to give. There are women who will be able to look past that, and see you for you. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Good nature establishes love.’[Bihar al-Anwar, v. 77, p. 148, no. 71].

It is a life changing trauma that you went through, and in line with the physical damages, you might be facing mental challenges too. The doctors might not be able to help you with your physical challenges, but professionals can help you with your mental state. To help you change your narrative, and self image. To help you acknowledge your worth and ability to be loved by a wife. Please seek professional help, suicidal thoughts are very important warning signs that shouldn’t be missed, and you deserve so much more.   

Regarding ziyarat, I hope and pray that you may find a way to get your expenses funded, and I hope that Allāh (’aza wa jal) will open a door for you when you least expect it. Until then know that distance isn’t an obstacle, you may do ziyarat to the imams (as) from your position, and they will serve as a mediator to Allāh (’aza wa jal). Miracles aren’t bounded to the graves of the imams (as). Longing for their presence, longing for their help is a means to reach Allāh (’aza wa jal) no matter wherever you are. That is a part of their blessings, and one of the reasons why they are gifts bestowed upon mankind. You have the Prophet (salla Llahu alayhi wa aleehi wa sallam) who’s constantly praying for you, you have Imām al-Mahdi (ajjallāhu farajahu) who wants you to strive and be a part of his nation, and you have Allāh (’aza wa jal), and no struggle, challenge, tear, hardship and discomfort espace His knowledge.

Allāh (’aza wa jal) promised us that with hardship comes ease (The Holy Qur’an 94:6), and I am looking forward to one day hear about the beautiful blessings Allāh (’aza wa jal) bestowed upon you, and the incredible ways He turned your life around.